I’ve been in a faith crisis.
As I was driving yesterday, I saw a tiny cloud. Like super tiny. It reminded me of the cloud the size of a man’s hand in the story of Elijah.
I spoke out loud to God for the first time in what feels like forever….
“In the Bible, you showed yourself in the form of a cloud like that. You sent the rain. God, I need the rain. I need to feel you. I need to see you.”
I could feel the desperation. I was tearing up and nearly started sobbing when that cloud literally disappeared before my eyes. It was gone. Now I know the scientific reasoning. But to my broken-hearted self, that cloud disappearing felt like it took all my hope with it.
“If you’re real… if you care about me at all… I need to see you! I need you to speak in this moment before I give up!”
In that moment, I needed a visible sign. Something to hold on to. To let me know that I’m not alone.
In my head, I expected a gathering of fluffy white clouds to provide a visual sign for me.
And there was nothing but clear blue skies.
So a sob in my throat, I turned my attention to the song playing on Spotify- Gratitude. “Oh come on my soul, don’t you get shy on me. Lift up your song, cuz you’ve got a look inside of you.”
And I reached to turn it off.
But in desperation, I looked to the sky once more just as there was a clearing of trees.
Clouds. Dozens of beautiful, tiny fluffy clouds dotted the horizon.
And in that moment. I felt as clearly as if the words were spoken to me.
“I’ve always been here. You just couldn’t see l because you were focused on the wrong thing. You couldn’t see past your immediate circumstances and your expectations for how I should move. So you missed the fact that I was moving in ways you didn’t expect.”
Now. I could chalk it all up to coincidence. I could seek out the logical explanation here as a way to convince myself otherwise- I asked for a pretty clear sign and it wasn’t precisely “right.” But the truth is, I could have done that either way. And sometimes the choice to believe is just that-a choice. Either way, I’m putting my faith in something.
And right now? I’m putting my faith in Christ.
Clearly, you are a God who works behind the scenes, God of Israel, Savior God.-Isaiah 45:15 MSG
Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." -John 13:7 NIV
